This isn’t my usual type of blog post and I don’t think they’ll ever be the perfect time to publish it, but for today I’m sticking two fingers up at all the things I shouldn’t be doing on here to write about a recent experience, which I whole-heartily wish didn’t happen. So, screw you SEO, this one is going in the ‘it’s my blog and I’ll write it if I want to’ category.
The aim of this post isn’t to publicly shame the person who decided to act the way they did and once you read on you’ll see why.
At first, I thought I was just being paranoid and a little bit sensitive but on one day after a few hours of spending time with this person I realised that yes, they unfortunately were clearly against my, what I consider, perfectly normal body size. I may still have a bit of mum-tum sitting in that awful crappy way you can never get rid of, my waist may not be as small and nipped in as it once was, and my thighs larger than your average sized woman, but, I DID NOT DESERVE YOUR COMMENTS AND NASTY HUMILIATING STARES.
I actually like my figure, I specifically love certain parts of it and once you get to a particular point in life you also learn what to wear to show the best parts off. I’m accepting of my body and I embrace all its flaws. My weight does not measure my worth.
For clarity I’m 5ft 4″ and I’m a UK size 12. In case you wondered…
Ignoring your pathetic immature attitude was easy at first, I don’t let small-minded people like you bother me. Never have. Even after the third, maybe fourth stare at my stomach area, with the lovely little patronising cock of your head to get a closer look, I still refused to acknowledge what you were doing and carried on smiling.
With awareness that everyone around us would clearly see what was happening, especially when you commented with a sarcastic nasty tone that “I clearly enjoy my food” I still didn’t react. It was only later in the day when I realised you were excluding me from things, even going as far to cut me out of photos that I started to feel a tad annoyed and embarrassed. You caught me off-guard and I really didn’t know how to deal with you at the time. Looking back, I really wish I’d called you out and said something.
I have a lot of patience and you tested it. To its max.
Usually I’m a confident thick-skinned type of girl that has never really let other people’s actions bother me. I’m a blogger and I share a huge chunk of my life online, you need to be tough sometimes in this industry and ready for criticism. But. And this is a big one – what if I wasn’t? What if, and I really want you to think about this. What if I was a severely depressed person or just as worrying, someone that had been bullied my whole life for my weight? Just think of the potential consequences from that.
Where I come from women support women. Women do not treat each other with the nastiness you so easily dished out to me. I’m posting this anonymously to protect your identity – out of respect for that!
Afterwards I stewed for hours on what happened. I replayed your actions over and over in my mind. I eventually got home and told my boyfriend, not really expecting him to get it. But he did. Even he thought it was outrageous. I’m ashamed to say you made me cry… saying the words out loud to someone made me move on from being angry, to being upset.
YOU made me cry. I’m repeating that just for emphasis in case you’re too arrogant to realise the effect of what your behaviour can do to someone. I sincerely hope you don’t act like this on a regular basis. Body-shaming in any way, shape or form is not OK. Personally, I don’t think anybody has the right to make judgement on anyone. Skinny, fat, tall, short – we’re all different in lots of ways for a great big important reason – that makes us who we are and gives us our originality.
I very rarely write a blog post like this, in fact I don’t think I ever have. At the point of writing I didn’t even consider publishing.
But then I realised something. There’s got to be only one reason for the way you behaved the way you did – you’re insecure about yourself and that in turn makes me feel sad for you. Sad that instead of looking to other women for support, you turn yourself against them and don’t see the potential in the role they could play for you.
And, here’s something for you to consider. I thought you looked beautiful…and I loved your smile.
So, here’s what I think you should do and how you could STOP the body-shaming.
- Be aware of what you’re doing. You can’t change without knowing this. I did consider that you have no idea at all what you did. I’m not even sure if you’ll ever read this but if you do, I’m sure you’ll recognise yourself from my words (even though I hope nobody else will).
- Be aware of the effects your words and actions have on others. This goes down to that good old saying – “Speak to others as you’d like to be spoken to”. Your opinion isn’t always welcome nor appropriate. It’s never OK to judge someone on their appearance.
- Concentrate on saying something nice. I love ‘checking out’ other women in a positive admiring way and to make sure people don’t just think I’m eyeing them up or being just totally weird, I tell them! From comments like “I love your earrings” or “Wow, your hair looks amazing” which can make such a positive difference to someone’s day. Consider that for a moment, this could be a game-changer for you.
Throughout history both men and women have been body shamed for being too fat, skinny, tall, or short, plus more. Ultimately, in the perfect world I would love for this kind of objectification to become as archaic as when smoking on planes was a thing. We don’t miss that, it benefits us all by not existing, and it’s one of those things some people can’t even believe was once acceptable. Imagine if body shaming could be no more. Just think about it.
I read the smoking comparison somewhere online, but I have no idea where, so I can’t credit. If anyone reading this knows who said it, I think it was a celebrity, let me know. It really stuck in my mind.
On that note… I’m now going to go eat one big fu** off slice, two if I’m being honest, of chocolate cake. Because I want to and because yes, I very much love my food.
Normal blogging service will now resume. 😉