The Time I was Body Shamed

This isn’t my usual type of blog post and I don’t think they’ll ever be the perfect time to publish it, but for today I’m sticking two fingers up at all the things I shouldn’t be doing on here to write about a recent experience, which I whole-heartily wish didn’t happen. So, screw you SEO, this one is going in the ‘it’s my blog and I’ll write it if I want to’ category.

The aim of this post isn’t to publicly shame the person who decided to act the way they did and once you read on you’ll see why.

Let’s begin.

At first, I thought I was just being paranoid and a little bit sensitive but on one day after a few hours of spending time with this person I realised that yes, they unfortunately were clearly against my, what I consider, perfectly normal body size. I may still have a bit of mum-tum sitting in that awful crappy way you can never get rid of, my waist may not be as small and nipped in as it once was, and my thighs larger than your average sized woman, but, I DID NOT DESERVE YOUR COMMENTS AND NASTY HUMILIATING STARES.

I actually like my figure, I specifically love certain parts of it and once you get to a particular point in life you also learn what to wear to show the best parts off. I’m accepting of my body and I embrace all its flaws. My weight does not measure my worth.

For clarity I’m 5ft 4″ and I’m a UK size 12. In case you wondered…

The Time I was Body Shamed

Ignoring your pathetic immature attitude was easy at first, I don’t let small-minded people like you bother me. Never have. Even after the third, maybe fourth stare at my stomach area, with the lovely little patronising cock of your head to get a closer look, I still refused to acknowledge what you were doing and carried on smiling.

With awareness that everyone around us would clearly see what was happening, especially when you commented with a sarcastic nasty tone that “I clearly enjoy my food” I still didn’t react. It was only later in the day when I realised you were excluding me from things, even going as far to cut me out of photos that I started to feel a tad annoyed and embarrassed. You caught me off-guard and I really didn’t know how to deal with you at the time. Looking back, I really wish I’d called you out and said something.

I have a lot of patience and you tested it. To its max.

Usually I’m a confident thick-skinned type of girl that has never really let other people’s actions bother me. I’m a blogger and I share a huge chunk of my life online, you need to be tough sometimes in this industry and ready for criticism. But. And this is a big one – what if I wasn’t? What if, and I really want you to think about this. What if I was a severely depressed person or just as worrying, someone that had been bullied my whole life for my weight? Just think of the potential consequences from that.

Where I come from women support women. Women do not treat each other with the nastiness you so easily dished out to me. I’m posting this anonymously to protect your identity – out of respect for that!

Afterwards I stewed for hours on what happened. I replayed your actions over and over in my mind. I eventually got home and told my boyfriend, not really expecting him to get it. But he did. Even he thought it was outrageous. I’m ashamed to say you made me cry… saying the words out loud to someone made me move on from being angry, to being upset.

YOU made me cry. I’m repeating that just for emphasis in case you’re too arrogant to realise the effect of what your behaviour can do to someone. I sincerely hope you don’t act like this on a regular basis. Body-shaming in any way, shape or form is not OK. Personally, I don’t think anybody has the right to make judgement on anyone. Skinny, fat, tall, short – we’re all different in lots of ways for a great big important reason – that makes us who we are and gives us our originality.

Why?

I very rarely write a blog post like this, in fact I don’t think I ever have. At the point of writing I didn’t even consider publishing.

But then I realised something. There’s got to be only one reason for the way you behaved the way you did – you’re insecure about yourself and that in turn makes me feel sad for you. Sad that instead of looking to other women for support, you turn yourself against them and don’t see the potential in the role they could play for you.

And, here’s something for you to consider. I thought you looked beautiful…and I loved your smile.

So, here’s what I think you should do and how you could STOP the body-shaming.

  1. Be aware of what you’re doing. You can’t change without knowing this. I did consider that you have no idea at all what you did. I’m not even sure if you’ll ever read this but if you do, I’m sure you’ll recognise yourself from my words (even though I hope nobody else will).
  2. Be aware of the effects your words and actions have on others.  This goes down to that good old saying – “Speak to others as you’d like to be spoken to”.  Your opinion isn’t always welcome nor appropriate. It’s never OK to judge someone on their appearance.
  3. Concentrate on saying something nice. I love ‘checking out’ other women in a positive admiring way and to make sure people don’t just think I’m eyeing them up or being just totally weird, I tell them! From comments like “I love your earrings” or “Wow, your hair looks amazing” which can make such a positive difference to someone’s day. Consider that for a moment, this could be a game-changer for you.

Throughout history both men and women have been body shamed for being too fat, skinny, tall, or short, plus more. Ultimately, in the perfect world I would love for this kind of objectification to become as archaic as when smoking on planes was a thing. We don’t miss that, it benefits us all by not existing, and it’s one of those things some people can’t even believe was once acceptable. Imagine if body shaming could be no more. Just think about it.

I read the smoking comparison somewhere online, but I have no idea where, so I can’t credit. If anyone reading this knows who said it, I think it was a celebrity, let me know. It really stuck in my mind.

On that note… I’m now going to go eat one big fu** off slice, two if I’m being honest, of chocolate cake. Because I want to and because yes, I very much love my food.

Normal blogging service will now resume. 😉

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15 Comments

  1. 12th February 2018 / 5:34 pm

    Karma will prevail at some point Natalie! You are a lovely person.

    • hellocuppies
      Author
      12th February 2018 / 5:35 pm

      Do you know, I really think it will too. Thank you Alison x

  2. 12th February 2018 / 5:49 pm

    This was all from a woman? Shame on her! She is clearly not happy behind the hateful exterior. I’d say she was jealous of you and how gorgeous you are. Do not dwell on what happened, she sounds like a sad little mare. Do not let her upset you and if you ever meet her again, very loudly ask her what her problem is… I would guess her toes will curl! 😉

    • hellocuppies
      Author
      12th February 2018 / 5:54 pm

      Duly noted… I’ll probably do that thing where you prepare a little speech in your head… then when/if I see her again it will most likely all leave and I’ll just say something totally random… thank you, it means a lot x

  3. Sheryl Humphrey
    12th February 2018 / 10:14 pm

    Well done Lovely. You’re very brave for saying this, not only because you’re making a point but because you have been so open about how someone else has made you feel. Feelings are not so easily expressed especially when it is one of hurt. I genuinely can not believe that someone would be so cruel and make you feel so hurt and let down. You’re such a genuine and beautiful person. You always have a smile for people and your warmth could heat a small village. You are very loved, not only for what you do in the world of cake but for who you are. This person clearly doesn’t know you. Chin up chicken. Much much love xxx

    • hellocuppies
      Author
      12th February 2018 / 10:18 pm

      Sheryl, you should comment more often as your words are just much love back too xxx

  4. 12th February 2018 / 10:19 pm

    Shuffle up and make room for another girl who likes her food (and would probably devour the rest of the cake) I’m sorry to hear that a fellow female has been so rude and hurtful to you though hun – us women should be sticking together like you said, not picking at and shaming one another. Not that she really had anything to bitch about in the first place – I’m a size 12 and only 5’1, and I haven’t had a child lol. So would love to know what she thinks of my healthy curves! x

    • hellocuppies
      Author
      13th February 2018 / 8:07 pm

      ha-ha! Life without food would be the worst right?! And it’s PANCAKE DAY!!! Yay. I was sorry too, not a nice experience at all. Lots of lessons also learnt though. Thanks Becca x

  5. 13th February 2018 / 5:06 am

    I’m really taken aback by this as I have met you in real life and think you have a lovely figure. But even if you were overweight it would be no one else’s business but yours. I think this person’s behaviour is more of a reflection of their own insecurities but I am so sorry they made you cry x

    • hellocuppies
      Author
      13th February 2018 / 8:06 pm

      Pretty shocking isn’t it. Me too, I figured she must be majorly insecure too. Thanks Laura x

  6. 13th February 2018 / 4:11 pm

    This is such a good post Natalie! People can be so rude sometimes, they really don’t think about the impact that their words might have and I’m sorry that they made you cry. I think some people are just arseholes unfortunately. xxx

    • hellocuppies
      Author
      13th February 2018 / 8:02 pm

      Hi Jess, yep, arseholes is a great word! Thank you x

  7. 23rd March 2018 / 10:13 am

    Oh my goodness. What a rude woman. I can’t even imagine what people like that are thinking.

  8. mummymatters
    25th March 2018 / 5:46 pm

    That’s terrible but what’s worse is that I’m not surprised that you have endured this because as much as I love to support females, I have met some prize b****** in my time at school, at work and at the gym. At school I was always teased for being ‘so skinny I could snap’ – one person tried to test that theory by hitting me with a tennis racket, I didn’t snap. At work I wore a suit with knee length ‘shorts’ and had a complaint made that I looked ‘tarty’ by another female. I pointed out that it was a ‘suit – a matching jacket and tailored shorts’ designed as workwear but no, apparently I looked like a tart!! At my old gym, I found that women were taking the mickey out of me for having ‘too long legs’, being ‘too skinny’ or ‘having no boobs’. For the record, I think you look beautiful just the way you are xx

    • hellocuppies
      Author
      25th March 2018 / 5:49 pm

      Wow! That made me so angry reading that. I’ll never understand the mentality of sheer audacity of some people. How can anyone think that acting so negatively towards appearance is ever ok. I’m sorry you went through this 🙁 and I’d have personally loved someone wearing a shorts work suit, it would be original and cool! Thank you for sharing this xxx

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